


Time to say Goodbye

by Orlha



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Suicide, Time Loop, mentions of pregnancy loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 22:23:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7659130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orlha/pseuds/Orlha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skye is stuck in a nightmare, forced to relive the last day that Bucky dies over and over again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time to say Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Failure to read the tags and then bitching to me through comments/ask box is **not** welcomed. Also probably the most angsty thing I’ve written recently. It’s inspired by the loss of my grandma and stuff. Probably will be writing way more angsty shit(if any) for a period of time.
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> **If you skipped the tags/summary, go back up and read them properly.**

**I:**

Skye screams as she plasters her hands over the gaping hole at what used to be his abdomen. It is a futile effort. This, Skye already knows even before anyone can say anything, but she’s not going to let it stop her. “Bucky, baby, stay with me,” she calls him.

His blue eyes track hers, hazing over as his mouth twists. There is a limit even for super-soldiers to bounce back and a hole through his body is one of them. Bucky doesn’t say anything. He can’t. He just stares at her with all the love she knows he still has for her until the light in his eyes go out.

Steve has to physically peel her away from Bucky’s body later, and she clutches onto Steve, letting the tears that run freely down her face wet his grimy uniform. Skye would do anything to get Bucky back, to take back the words she couldn’t take back, to take back all the quarrelling they had done before their mission, to say the words she never got to say.

She leans into Steve’s embrace, one hand still gripping tightly onto his forearm. Her throat is a knot, and the loss of Bucky is a jag of agony running through her with each breath.

“Please-” she turns her face heavenward, shoulders shaking visibly from the sheer effort of not collapsing into a bigger sobbing mess. “- _Anything._ ”

Her cries falls on deaf ears, and the world goes on as though a big part of her soul hadn’t been ripped out.

\V/ \V/ \V/ \V/ \V/

The relic they find is interesting. The five rocks glow in an interesting pattern that neither Tony nor Jane can decipher and as relics goes, the only remotely interesting thing about them is that they glow. Skye sits in the centre of the rocks, letting their blue light wash over her. The blue glow comforts her. They remind her of the colour of Bucky’s eyes.

Six months later and every reminder of Bucky still hurts. Skye wonders if she’ll ever stop hurting and then she wonders if she stops hurting, it would be because she stops loving Bucky.

Leaning her forehead against her knees, she takes a stuttering breath, feeling the heat behind her eyes. Exhaustion floods her. Between the nightmares and the general inability to sleep, the blue light lulls her eyes to close, and darkness takes over her.

\----

**II:**

Skye wakes up in bed. She isn’t surprised that she woke up in bed. Since Bucky’s death, Steve had taken to check up on her and occasionally carry her to bed when she falls asleep on the couch, but it isn’t the waking up in bed that surprises her, it is the warmth spooning her back that does.

Soft lips press against her neck, arms stroking her stomach as he murmurs, “morning beautiful.”

She is definitely still sleeping, and all _this_ is a dream. Skye almost sobs at the sound of _his_ voice, the voice that she misses so desperately.

“Bucky?” she whispers, turning around to face the owner of the voice.

He reaches up and strokes her cheek, pressing another soft, gentle kiss. This time, tears stream down her face and Bucky pulls away, shocked. “Why are you crying?” he rubs the tears away.

“I love you, Bucky,” Skye tells him the words she hadn’t been able to say him the last time now. Between all the fighting they had done, their mornings together had been fraught with tension.

“I know,” he replies with a smile and another kiss.

“I love you so very much.”

Bucky pulls her flush to him, capturing her lips with his. He sucks on her bottom lip, letting his tongue map her mouth. Her hands are entangled in his hair as his hand creeps under her shirt, caressing the curve of her breast. “I know,” he whispers when they break apart.

He untangles himself, pulling himself out of bed. “Will you be joining me for breakfast?”

“Yes.”

Bucky smiles and leans over to kiss her again before the shrill sound of their avengers’ pager beeping interrupts their almost slow morning ritual. “Shit. It’s a A6-34,” he says to her, already tossing her Avenger’s uniform with one foot into his black kevlar pants.

A6-34. The last time she went on a world domination villain mission, Bucky had ended up dead.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky asks noticing her stare.

“Don’t go, Bucky.”

“I’m an Avenger and so are you. I’m not letting you or Steve go into the field without me watching your six.”

Skye bites her lips. What could the worst be? This is, after all, just a dream.

\V/ \V/ \V/ \V/ \V/

“Winter Soldier and Quake will secure the left wing, Black Widow and me will be secure the right wing. Hawkeye and Ironman will deal with the stragglers and anyone fleeing.”

They reply in affirmative, checking their weapons and ammo as jet begins to arrive at their destination. It’s eerie that the entire dream had been one complete deja vu; like her mind is replaying her last mission with Bucky again.

Skye sags against the side of the quinjet. Her eyes taking in the snow blanketing the landscape. The facility sprawls out against the white in a grizzly dark red smudge.

A6-34. It wasn’t another world domination villain mission, it was _that_ mission. She turns and stares at Bucky, hands fumbling towards him as she drops to a knee to him and presses a face into his kevlar-clad thigh.

“You can’t go.”

“Doll?” He caresses her hair and brushes her fringe from her face. “What’s wrong?”

“You _can’t_ go,” Skye repeats vehemently. She feels the panic growing in her as the jet begins to descend. There is a bitter taste of bile at the back of her throat and try as she might, she can’t seem to catch her breath.

“Don’t be stupid. I’m already here. I’m going with you.” She tries to pull air into her lungs, each breath wracked with pain. Bucky pulls her into his lap and presses her face into the crook of his neck. “Breathe sweetheart.” He breathes slow and deep breaths, rubbing circles on her wrist.

Skye half-sobs knowing that she can’t stop him from going in. She’s going to watch him die again, and she doesn’t know how she’s going to it. If this is a dream, she needs to wake up now. She begs herself to, but she doesn’t.

\V/ \V/ \V/ \V/ \V/

The facility they burst into is the same facility.

Skye shoots the left guard, sending a wave of vibrations to the right. It was just a damn deja vu dream. The hell is she going to let it happen. Skye flings the four guards that come around the bend a bit too viciously, and Bucky gives her a look.

“Left wing secure,” she taps on her communicator, informing the rest.

“Right wing secure,” Natasha responds.

“Going into phase 2,” Steve orders.

Phase 2 was far less dangerous than phase 1, except phase 2 was when Nightmare Bucky had died. Had it been her carelessness then? Skye shook her head, centring her focus back into her job. Her fingers clack across the keyboards as she attempts to defuse the bioweapon. Natasha would get the scientists, but it’s not that.

Skye has one job, and the rest of the world can go to fucking hell.

She vaults off the chair, spinning herself in front of Bucky, stopping the rocket launcher from ever hitting Bucky. Skye motions with her hands, controlling the explosion between her hand.

“Quake?” Bucky asks confused, lips thinning with exasperation. “I could have handled that.”

“You could have stopped a rocket launcher?” She quirks an eyebrow at him, trying but failing to keep the joy off her face. Bucky would have died like he did in her nightmare had she not stopped it. At least he’s alive-

Thirty seconds left. Oops.

Not for long if she doesn’t stop the bioweapon. Slinging herself back into the chair, she types furiously to hack into the mainframe to-

She hears a long bang behind her just as she disarms the bomb, a gurgle. Her head turns to see Bucky fall to the ground with a gaping hole in his abdomen.

“Bucky!” She doesn’t care if her powers crushes the guard that had killed Bucky.

She’s failed Bucky. His blue eyes track hers, hazing over as his mouth twists. He just stares at her until the light in his eyes go out.

The world spins in her vision. She staggers forward onto one knee. She doesn’t need to check. She already knows.

Bucky is dead.

Skye crouches over his unmoving chest, uncaring of her hair dipping into his blood. Her ribs stutter under the furious beating of her heart.

“Skye!”

She feels Steve pull her close to him, telling her to breathe but her lungs refuse to cooperate. The black spots that edges her vision darkens, and her last thoughts echos in her head.

This isn’t a dream. It’s a goddamn nightmare.

\----

**III:**

Skye wakes up in bed. It’s the same bed that she and Bucky had shared. It smells the same, even the warmth from behind feels the same. Skye freezes, realising the weight across her hip is a metal arm.

Soft lips press against her neck, arms stroking her stomach as he murmurs, “morning beautiful.”

“Bucky?” Skye turns around. It is the same Bucky, the one she thought that was in a nightmare.

He reaches up and strokes her cheek, pressing another soft gentle kiss. What if this is another dream? A nightmare? She trembles under his touches, pulling away to look into his eyes. Was Bucky dead? Was this another nightmare? She cupped his face, etching every contour of his face into her memory.

Perhaps the rocks did do something to her.

Or had that been a nightmare as well?

“Why are you crying?” he asks, thumbing away the beads of water from her lashes. “What’s wrong, doll?”

“Nothing,” Skye whispers and pulls him close, holding him as tight as she can, praying desperately that this is reality.

“Come on, I’ll make some breakfast,” he tells her.

“Just a minute longer.”

His fingers trail on her sides, tickling her and Skye bursts out laughing only to be cut off by the shrill sound of their avengers’ pager beeping. Bucky grabs the pager, and is already pulling out their uniforms.

“Shit. It’s a A6-34,” he says to her, already tossing her her suit with one foot into his black kevlar pants.

It’s happening again. The nightmare of the last day with Bucky, repeating itself again. Skye curls into herself. The thought of her going through losing Bucky all over again is too much to bear.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky asks noticing her state. He strides towards her, sitting beside on the bed. “Sweetheart?” he asks again when she doesn’t respond.

“Don’t go.”

“I’m an Avenger and so are you. I’m not letting you or Steve go into the field without me watching your six.”

“Then I’m not going.”

“It’s a A6-34. That means the whole team unless you’re injured, needs to be there.”

She _has_ to do _something._ Bucky will die if he goes out there. She _has_ to stop him from going.

“I can’t let you go,” she tells him. Skye leans over and plucks the pistol from his hand.

He would hate her, feel betrayed by her but he would live. And that is all that is matter. She tells that to herself as she shoots two bullets into each of thigh.

Bucky falls to the ground, with a groan and swearing. “What the fuck?”

“You’re staying here,” Skye tells him, donning her uniform. “I know you’ll heal that without medical intervention.”

“What the fuck? You’re going into a A6-34!” He tries to stand, only to be shoved onto the bed.

“Stay. Here.” She swings the duffel bag across her shoulder and heads to the quinjet.

“Where’s Buck?” Steve asks her with a frown.

“He took a bullet to the leg,” she lets a smirk flirt cross her face. “So he’s not going to make it.”

“Jarvis?”

“It appears that Mr Barnes has been shot in the leg, Captain.”

“What the hell? How did he get shot in the leg?”

“It’s a long story. We can talk about it after this mission.”

Steve massages his nose bridge with a loud sigh. “Fine. But we’re going to have a _long_ talk about this.”

Skye nods, taking the tablet from Tony. The whole team can hate her as long Bucky is alive.

“At 0400 this morning-” Steve begins, but she’s no longer paying attention. The mission details are exactly the same, even the compound. She could do this. Hack into the mainframe, disarm the bomb, Steve carries the bomb back for Bruce to neutralise. Bucky would be safe in the tower, safe and alive.

She _can_ do this.

\V/ \V/ \V/ \V/ \V/

This time, Skye doesn’t succeed disarming the bomb. She watches her skin flare and burn from the chemicals of the bomb, the skin peeling off her. She’s failed, and even the searing pain of her burns can’t match the weight of her failure.

Her vision darkens, and she wonders if she’ll wake up in Bucky’s arms again or if this is finally the end.

\----

**IV:**

Silk presses against her face when she wakes up. The white curtains flutter in the breeze that she had left open last night. She always a crack open because Bucky generates so much heat that it makes her sweat. Skye doesn’t move, taking in her surroundings from her limited vision. The heavy metal arm across her hip tells her everything she needs, just like the soft breath against her neck.

Yes.

Skye wakes up in bed with Bucky again. Bucky presses his lips against her neck, arms stroking her stomach, murmuring, “morning beautiful.”

She’s done with this. Even before he can say another word, Skye is out of the room, bare feet slapping across the cold marble floor. The pager would beep, they would gear up, the soldier would shoot Bucky in the stomach, she’ll fall asleep and wake up in the same place.

“Date Jarvis!”

“It is November the third, Mrs Barnes. Do you need medical assistance? Your heart rate seems rather high.”

November the third. November the fucking third.

She doesn’t want to do this anymore. To die, to watch him die. She _can’t_ live this day another time. Her back scrapes against the counter as she reels, her legs dump her to the ground in a crumpled heap.

“Oh god, sweetheart,” Bucky finds her a minute later. He cups her face and soothes her sweaty fringe away. He’s already dressed in his Winter Soldier uniform, the duffel bag parked beside him as he crouches beside her. “I don’t know what’s happened, but there’s a A6-34 and Stevie needs me to watch his back. You stay here okay? We’ll talk about what happened later.”

She sobs, clutching his forearm. He’s going to die. She _has_ to go with him. “No! Don’t go.”

He pries her fingers from his arm, whispering comfort words. “Look Bruce is here. He’ll look after you while we’re gone.”

She feels Bruce’s arms wrapped around her, holding her back as he walks towards the lift, to where Steve is waiting for him. Skye watches him walk into the lift and smile at her, watches him walk towards his death. Her throat is on fire. Her lungs heaving for air that she can’t gasp, then there is a prick on her neck then an almost peaceful darkness takes over her.

\----

**V:**

Skye wakes up in bed. She is done. Done, done, done, done. Not even waiting for Bucky to stir, she leaps out of bed and pulls out his Glock.

“Doll?” she hears Bucky’s frightened voice as she places beneath her jaw. “Whatever you’re thinking, don’t. We can talk about this. _Please._ ”

The fragility in his voice is almost too much to bear. It’s like the sound of him telling how she lost their child, like how he stops her from trying after their second attempt.

_I can’t lose you too!_

“I’m sorry. I love you.” She closes her eyes and shoots.

\----

**VI:**

Skye wakes up in bed again, surrendering herself to fate. Bucky is kissing the back of her neck, his arms stroking her stomach as he murmurs, “morning beautiful.”

She turns around and kisses him. “Hello handsome.”

His lips twists, amused. Skye leans in again, capturing his lips, her hands slipping beneath the band of his pants.

“Someone’s horny,” he whispers against her lips with a twitch and a moan when she strokes his morning wood.

“Someone’s ready to go,” she giggles and hitches a leg around his hips to pull him in.

“I’m always-” The pager goes off. Bucky groans loudly. “Damnit.” His hands fumble for the pager and then swears. “Shit. It’s a A6-34.” Bucky presses his lips hard on hers and stumbles out of bed.

“I can’t go, Bucky.”

He pauses in his motions and raises an eyebrow. “Why not?”

She purses her lips and wonders if she really could put herself through to watch him die again. She can’t. If staying here at the tower has the same effect as going out there with him, then she would rather stay here. It’s the coward's way, but Skye has never considered herself brave. “I’m pregnant,” she lies.

“What!? How? When?” He runs a hand through his hair. “We used birth control! That… that can’t be possible!”

“You forgot your super sperm and my fertility.”

“Aw, fuck.” He sits down beside her and weaves his hands through hers. “Sweetheart, I really want _us_ to have a child, but Bruce said if you tried again-”

The pager beeps again and Bucky twists around. “Fuck. Fucking A6-34. Look. Stay here, we’ll go settle this and… and then we’ll talk about this tonight, okay?”

Skye nods, watching him sling the duffel bag across his shoulder before pausing at the doorway to glance at her. “Damnit.” Bucky strides across the room and kisses her passionately and hard. “Tonight,” he promises something she knows will never come true.

She palms her head when he is gone. Flopping onto the bed, she mutters, “I’m a fucking coward.” Skye pulls the blankets over her. “Fucking coward.”

Then falls asleep again.

\V/ \V/ \V/ \V/ \V/

Steve is standing by her bed when she wakes. That’s… new… Or is it because it’s not the end of the day? It’s almost twilight judging from the colour of the sky.

“I’m sorry Skye,” Steve says. “Bucky is dead.”

She smiles at him and catches his hand. “It’s okay, I know,” Skye tells him sleepily before drifting off again.

\----

**VII:**

Skye lies there for a moment, finding a certain peace with the heaviness of the metal arm draped across her hips. It is her twentieth loop or perhaps more. She doesn’t keep track of it anymore Any minute now, Bucky would kiss the back of her neck. Followed by a few minutes of lull, then the shrill sound of the pager going off. She can’t escape this loop. How had it started? How can she end it?

She turns around in his embrace, watching his dark lashes spread across his tan skin. She could take this as it is. Never wake up, never break free. She’s been going around it wrongly the whole way, hasn’t she? Skye places a hand on his cheek and thumbs his skin. In this loop, he is alive. In this loop, she is still fighting beside him. It is true that she can never escape it, but at least- she’s with him.

“Morning beautiful,” he says to her. His light blue eyes crinkle at her. Tilting his face to left, he kisses her palm.

“I love you, Bucky,” Skye tells him, running her thumb across his eyebrows

“I love you too,” he replies earnestly.

“I know we’ve been arguing a lot recently, but I still love you.”

“I know.”

“I hope it doesn’t-”

Skye trails off, unsure how to say it. Bucky just leans in and kisses her, stealing all the words and her breath along with it. “It doesn’t.” His words tells her that he already knows everything without her saying anything.

The Avengers pager beeps and Skye swings her feet out, pulling their uniform. “Shit. It’s a A6-34,” he mutters.

She zips up her suit and holsters her pistol, unlike Bucky who is armed to the teeth, Skye is armed to teeth by her powers, she doesn’t need all the weaponry to be deadly.

“Let’s go.”

Bucky nods and follows her. She’s ready to fight beside him, then watch him die again. Unlike the last seventeen or eighteen times, she’s truly ready; ready to let him go. Even if it means watching him die over and over again, she’ll do it.

\V/ \V/ \V/ \V/ \V/

Skye shoots the left guard, sending a wave of vibrations to the right. Flinging the four guards that come around the bend before Bucky can even spot them and Bucky gives her a look.

“It’s almost as though you can see them before they turn up,” he remarks. She only gives him a weak smile. See… well… she _has_ broken into this facility at _least_ fourteen times. Not that she’s going to tell him. She’s tried that on loop thirteen or something, and that hadn’t ended well either.

“Left wing secure,” she taps on her communicator, informing the rest.

“Right wing secure,” Natasha responds.

“Going into phase 2,” Steve orders.

“Affirmative.” Skye doesn’t even need the map that Tony sends to her communicator, she already knows where the control room is.

They make it to the control room in record time and she sits down, tapping away rapidly on the keyboard. Perhaps if she can hack this faster- Skye lets out a single mirthless laugh. Who was she kidding? There was no way she could hack it faster. There’s simply so fast she can type. She’s tried it.

There is a loud bang behind her and Skye already knows what it is. Bucky is dying or dead behind her. Defusing the bomb, Skye turns around. Bucky is lying on the ground in a pool of blood. There is a hole, the size of his fist through his stomach. He smiles at her. She kneels, kissing him gently. “Shsss. You’re just going to sleep. And tomorrow you’ll wake up beside me. I will love you forever.” His blue eyes watches her until the light in them goes out.

She looks up and sees another guard pointing the gun at her. Holding her hands out, Skye closes her eyes.

She’s ready.

\V/ \V/ \V/ \V/ \V/

“Skye?” Steve calls out, jolting her awake. He is leaning against the entrance with a frown. “Is it safe to be here?”

The entrance? The rocks. The glowing rocks. She’s back!

Her joy in the realisation is cut off by the realisation that it means her husband is back to being dead again. She schools her face into a bright smile and folds her legs in a lotus position. “Yep, Tony and Jane said that they are perfectly harmless.” Skye waves at the rocks that surround her. “There’s something calming about them…”

She isn’t lying. The slow pulse of the rocks seem to lull her in a state she didn’t think was possible.

“If you think so.” Steve opens his mouth like he wants to add more to his four words then closes it. “Clint made some of his famous apple pie if you like some.”

“I’ll stay here a little longer.”

Steve turns, tilting his face at her with a contemplative look. “I’ll try to save you a piece.” They both know that she’s not alright, that she still wakes up crying. If the rocks can give her a sort of peace, then she might as well take all that she could get.

Skye returns to watching the pulse of the rocks now that she is alone again. It must have been the rocks that had sent her into that loop. Her brown eyes stare at the pulsing of the rocks, as though trying to will them to send her back again.

Whatever that had happened, however she had gotten herself out… it appeared that the rocks were done. The pulsing slows down then finally stops. She hadn’t been able to change history, hadn’t been able to change Bucky’s fate but at least, this time, she got to deal with all the feelings churning in her. Skye tilts her face up, letting the helpless fury bring frustrated tears to her eyes. Scrubbing her face, she clenches her jaw and stands.

“Goodbye Bucky,” she whispers into the darkness and leaves.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://luna-orlha.tumblr.com/).


End file.
